Sorry

[Kitana]

I'm sure it doesn't make a difference as I never finished. But do to certain events and occurrences I think I might take my leave.

As much as with what I found out I really need the distraction. I just don't know. I mean maybe I might finish if I can get over the shock. And look I know how the internet world works and sometimes we think people are lying about certain things, but this isn't something I would lie about for any reason. It doesn't benefit me to lie and those that truly know me deeply know that about me.

Some of you guys I've known for a long time, and a few do deeply mean the world to me. No matter what you guys do. I've been having a really rough month all around and my health has been one of the biggest obstacles right now. And it's really hard dealing with it alone considering when you need people they aren't there.

I um, don't know how to word it. I've been sitting here contemplating and I can't wrap my head around it. One thing I learned is I'm probably incapable of having kids. So that hurts since I've always wanted one. The heaviest of news it looks like I might have an advance stage of cancer. I have a chance at beating it so they say and I'm determined to. I know I shouldn't be spilling my guts out here but I didn't know where else or what else to do.

But as this has given me a huge out look change since it could go either way, I wanted to just say that to anyone if we've ever had an issue over something so petty and never got to know each other cause we didn't give ourselves the chance. I apologize for whatever role I played in that. If I've ever wronged anyone for anything. I do apologize. I'm woman enough to ever say sorry or admit if I'm wrong. If there is something or ever has been I mean please do contact me cause I don't want anything lingering around. Bad taste and so forth. I don't want those misunderstandings out there without the chance to set things right. As I would like that chance. Like I said there are those of you that mean a lot to me in my life that I wouldn't want that stuff out there. Sorry to those I made a promise to I normally don't break my promises. I just need to process this, like I said maybe just to not think about it. You guys are actually the first I'm speaking about it to.

Thanks for just listening and letting me get it out.

[Oda Nobunaga]

That's really rough news, and you have my sympathy. I'm sorry you got dealt such a shitty hand, but you're a tough chick. I've got faith in you. If they say there's a chance of pulling through it, I'm sure you'll seize it.

Whether you take your leave or not, we'll still be here. If you decide you'll end up sticking around, we'll welcome you with open arms, and if you leave, we won't hold any resentment toward you.

I wish you the best of luck in these hard times, and if I could do more, I would.

[Kitana]

Thanks Brandon it means a lot. I didn't want to just say goodbye to you all and not explain. It was hard to type hell hard to hear it. But I guess I was trying to be a bit brave about it. The kids thing was one thing but then that.

Like I'm just sitting like thinking like wow. And you know what I know we've butted heads once or twice and for what it's worth I'm sorry it happened. I haven't gotten a chance to say anything cause it's been one thing after another.

I know I'ma need a distraction so I might complete what I started. But I think I need to take a few days to just really think on things. If I can pull through one maybe the other will change too. I'm trying to be strong. Right now feeling a little defeated but I think I can turn it around.

[Oda Nobunaga]

'ey, for whatever happened, don't even worry about it. It's not worth stressing over, not when you've got bigger issues around.

Take all the time you need. It's not like we're goin' anywhere, y'know? If you need a while to just mull things over, take the time to do so, and do what you gotta do.

[Kitana]

I know. I just wanted to say so either way ya know?

And I will. It's getting beaten in my head to keep my chin up.

[Ichimura Ryunosuke]

I pray that you'll get through these hard times, and you would always be in our prayers. I know you getting through hard times, but I know you will weather through them. So don't lose hope!

[Morei Haji]

Take care, Alisha. We'll always be here if you ever think about coming back. I hope that everything gets better.

[Kitana]

Thanks guys. Well they say it's darkest before the dawn right?

You guys are more supportive than others so far. Thanks truly.

[Brandt Solveig]

I got a couple things to do, but ill shoot you a text a little later. Im sorry you have to go through this. Im surprised you didnt mention this last night.

[Kitana]

Found out this part of the news today actually that's why. I thought I was only going through the sinus and tooth thing. I didn't expect this at all.

[Zhuo Jina]

I didn't ever get the chance to RP with you, or even interact with you. I don't know what all went down but I know that it doesn't really matter compared to the obstacles you face ahead of you. I won't be able to understand the pain you're going through, but if you need someone to listen, I'll try and be there. I do know what it's like to be alone.

I don't personally believe in god, so when I say pray, it's more of a spiritual prayer. I will be praying for you, holding you in my thoughts. 

Be strong <3

[Yuy Masahiro™]

I know we didn't really get along, but honestly get better and come back. I'm sorry you have to go through all of that, especially all at once. But you know we're all always here for you if you need us.

Take care and be safe till you get back.

[Kitana]

To everyone thanks a lot. Believe it or not you've all been more comforting then people that I really thought were my friends. I really appreciate it.

Zhuo Jina = Thank you very much. I appreciate it and I'll probably take you up on that offer for certain. I'm sure we'll have the chance to interact as I don't want to constantly be thinking about this and writing was always my escape. I just want to process it all.

Brandt Solveig= Scotteh, you've been great as usual. It's been really nice chatting again. Thanks for making me smile and laugh last night. Sorry I totally passed out on you with the phone totally in my hand >_>.

Yuy Masahiro™ = And that's why I mentioned that I do apologize. I think we very well could get along. I think we didn't give each other a chance. When things like this happen it kinda makes you think REALLY hard and look back like. Ya know what, chances should've been given more fairly. So I do apologize and hope that we can in the future.

I'm keeping my head up. I'm not going to be defeated. For a moment I felt so but now I'm trying to walk a little taller. Today I'ma just step out and treat my brother to a movie and dinner as I don't do it often and he deserves it. Relax and such. I'ma always on skype for anyone anytime. Again thank you guys. Have fun with everything and geez try not to get too powerful now. ^_~

[Yuy Masahiro™]

There's no reason to apologize. It was my fault too. Just focus on getting better so that we can give being friends a shot.

[Kitana]

Hey guys just giving some updates. I know I've seemed a bit more full of energy, well cause I'm certainly trying. A few have been really supportive and keeping me on the light side and I thank those for such. It's been really tiring I can say. Meds suck totally. Gonna be taking time off work soon to do everything else needed. But lawrd I hate that overly tired feeling so I try to say all cheerful as possible and keep busy. Which is what pushed me to get her up and running soon. I really can't take sitting still for long not doing anything. Too much time to think on things.

Mentally I'm feeling a lot more positive, then again it's also been totally drilled into my head to be so. ^^ But it's a baby steps. Down side is some people despite things seem to have retorted right back to old ways. *shrugs* Whatever to them. For the first time I guess I really need to focus on me. I normally don't I'm always more focused on making sure everyone is happy. But indeed I need to focus on myself. I just want to thank you guys for that support when I first told ya.

[Shinomori Katsumi]

I know we haven't really talked much, but I'm so glad you are at least staying positive. Taking various meds is really hard, and I know what it is like to have medical issues, so... on the tired and crappiness level, I really empathize.

We may not be close or anything, but... if you ever need to talk, I am always available, and I hope you get through this strong and with flying colours. It is always good to focus on the self sometimes, especially during hard times. =)

~Freya/Katsumi

[Kitana]

Thanks Freya. Yeah the tiredness totally sucks especially when you want to do something and you just feel more sluggish than normal. I appreciate all the well wishes and I'm trying to also stay active to take the focus off that stuff. So far so good. And yea I think every once in awhile we are allowed to be a little selfish. ^^ Yeah I've been a little hush on skype actually I don't notice when you're on and I think it's cuz I always have it on the recent chats instead of contacts T____T that makes total sense as skype doesn't always notify me when someone comes on. T__T I hate skype sometimes.