Coming Home... Or Not (Tak)

[Amakusa Takehiro]

"Robin Hood, you say?" Takehiro chuckled. He did, indeed, no who that was. Only, Robin Hood didn't kill people. That, and Takehiro didn't have a merry band of thieves traveling with him. He was a one-man army of sorts, only working with others on occasion. Most of the time, people couldn't hang, so partnerships were always short.

"Alrighty, then we'll be making stops in a few villages, sell the goods for cheap. Probably gonna burn the damn opium, shit's not good for anyone."

[Morei Haji]

"I... uh... burn the opium?"

Now, I wasn't any expert on drugs or anything. But something told me that wasn't the best idea. What if we ended up under its side effects due to what the fire leaves behind? At least this guy had the right idea.

I looked behind us as we traveled, somewhat nervous that there might already be some kind of bounty on us suddenly for re-stealing stolen goods.

[Amakusa Takehiro]

Takehiro pursed his lips tightly. The kid had a point. Maybe burning it wasn't the best idea. They could get unintentionally high, and who knows WHAT would happen then.

"You, uh... nevermind."

The man would have pulled to a stop in a nearby village, hopping off the carriage. "Only sell a little at these villages, kay? Don't want everyone wasting their money on stuff we don't know to be good or bad." With that, the mercenary pulled some stuff out of the carriage and began setting up shop.

[Morei Haji]

Sheesh. It seemed this guy didn't think things through half the time. He was smart for the most part, but other times he was a complete dunce. Not that I'd ever voice that out loud or anything, I liked my head on my neck.

I climbed into the back of the carriage, starting to hand Takehiro various items. Some of them were rather... intriguing. "Man... did he really think he would get away with a lot of this?" I wondered aloud, holding up a sword with a strange curved shape. It must've been from the western lands.

[Amakusa Takehiro]

"What in the..." Takehiro observed the blade. It didn't really seem to fit in with the weaponry any of the Japanese were used to. The mercenary observed it, but ended up just shrugging. Whatever kind of deals the guy seemed to get involved in, maybe they were both better off not knowing.

Reaching into the cart, Takehiro also pulled out a giant barrel filled with some sort of powder. Dropping it onto the ground, it gave out a puff of smoke, and he coughed profusely as it filled his lungs. "Ugh, what is this, gunpowder?!"

[Morei Haji]

I coughed as well, waving a hand in front of my face. "Geez, that looks like a lot. That'd do quite the damage..."

I continued to search through the items on the carriage, opening a wooden crate and looking inside of it. I pulled out what looked like samurai's armor, only...

"This armor... it only covers someone's privates..." I stared at it for a moment, holding it up high enough so Takehiro could see.

[Amakusa Takehiro]

Takehiro was really beginning to wonder just what the hell this guy was into. He had some weird ass shit in his carriage! Or, maybe the more appropriate question was, what were these daimyos into? Maybe that's why they put the hit on the guy!

"Foreign blades, gunpowder, and... a crotch... guard... thing. What the actual fuck."

After some deliberation, Takehiro began to "set up shop," putting the goods in a pile. They needed to get a good amount of stuff out there! Though, he figured he wasn't going to sell the gunpowder. WAY too deadly.

"You see anything else in there that's, y'know... usable?"

[Morei Haji]

"Yeah... I don't want to know..."

I set the 'armor' back into the crate and shut it tightly, definitely was something we'd want to avoid touching. At Takehiro's question, I began to look around more, moving things aside and checking what all there was.

"Hmm... how's this?" I pulled out a stack of neatly folded robes. They seemed to be of a really good fabric, especially compared to our more vagabond clothing we were currently wearing. "I think they're silk. Must be noble clothing."

[Amakusa Takehiro]

"Score! These gotta be worth a coin or two!"

Haji probably thought he was going to sell them for a lot more, but, nope. Takehiro had a thing for bargaining with the less fortunate, and if he could get a single coin out of something that was worth three hundred, he would be cool with it.

"Clothes are good. Just, nothing that should touch your penis."

[Morei Haji]

"A coin or two?" I looked at Takehiro, surprised. These clothes could easily collect a small fortune all on their own. But this guy was willing to give them away for almost free. "You're not so bad after all."

I handed the clothing to Takehiro, continuing to search along the carriage. In the distance, it looked like some people were heading in our direction.

"Hey, head's up! Potential customers!"

[Amakusa Takehiro]

"Wait. You thought I was bad?" There was a sound of some legitimate concern, here. Though, he really didn't care much for whatever opinion the boy had before. He thought he was a good guy now, and that was kind of nice!

Takehiro turned to the customers, setting the silky cloths on the barrel. "Hello! How are you doing, today? We've got some great stuff here, really cheap!" The people didn't say much, but they did stick around to observe the goods!

"Right."

[Morei Haji]

"Hey, uh... how much for the big barrel of black boom powder?" One of the guys asked suddenly, eying the gunpowder.

Black boom powder? Seriously? "That's not--.." I got interrupted by another guy. "Hey, how much for the samurai penis shield?!"

"Uh..."

[Amakusa Takehiro]

Black boom powder.

Samurai - "SAMURAI PENIS SHIELD?!"

WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE. THEY HAD OBVIOUS ISSUES THAT NEEDED TO BE RESOLVED. LIKE, THERE IS SOME FINE SILK CLOTHING THAT TAKEHIRO IS PLANNING ON DISCOUNTING BY LIKE, I DUNNO, 99%, BUT THESE IDIOTS JUST WANTED THE BOOM POWDER AND THE PENIS SHIELD

"GET OUT OF HERE. GO."

[Morei Haji]

The guys walked away all disgruntled and mumbling under their breath, I caught a couple of phrases such as "Stupid dog..." and "You made me look bad...", to which I just tilted my head in confusion. "Wha..."

I pushed the gunpowder and samurai pen0rz shields out of sight, covering them with the cloth on the carriage so that no more people would look at them first, and sighed. Looking down the road, a couple more people were on their way. "Let's hope they buy something."

[Amakusa Takehiro]

Takehiro held his head in shame, peeved at the stupidity of the people he'd encountered. They could have struck a good deal...

"Hello! How can I help you folks today?" The two prospective customers glanced at each other and then pointed to the robes. "How much?" Takehiro waited for a moment, as if thinking on it. "Two gold coins a piece." The two seemed to be okay with that, and left four gold coins, taking their robes.

"WE MADE A SALE, MAN!"

[Morei Haji]

I cheered alongside Takehiro, that sale went off without a hitch. It was a nice surprise compared to our last weird customers, but it made me glad. Maybe the night wasn't going to be so bad after all. I just hoped they didn't buy them for cheap just so they could sell them for a large profit.. but then again, that was us indirectly helping people still, right?

"Do you want me to get any of the weapons out for sale?"

[Amakusa Takehiro]

"How many of those foreign blades does that guy have? That can be some sweet money there. A couple coins for each."

People tended to like things that weren't exactly normal. And, what was less normal than a couple of weird ass swords? Like, they weren't katanas, or wakizashis, or whatever. They were some middle-eastern swords! At least, that's what Tak thought. But, hey, exotic usually caught peoples' attention!

"Hey, buddy. People comin' up. Try and offer a decent sales pitch."

[Morei Haji]

"There's... probably a half dozen, at least."

I lifted another one up. It felt lightweight, but the blade was sturdy. It was a finely crafted weapon, to say the least. However, I imagined one fought with it in a completely different manner from a katana. I was curious about the ways of other cultures, someday I wanted to travel and see what it was like.

"Oh, uh..." I straightened up, clearing my throat. "Hello sirs, how do you do?" I said in an affable manner. One of the guys looked at me, merely replying with "Sup."

I scratched my head before continuing. "Uh.. well, we have a variety goods here, as you can tell. The item of the day are these blades, they hail from a distant land!" I held one up for them to see, which seemed to pique their interesting.

The Sup man from earlier placed his hand on his chin, eying the blade for a moment. "Hmm... I'll take eight." He said, looking directly into Takehiro's eyes for some reason, instead of at me.

[Amakusa Takehiro]

"Uh."

Why was the guy looking at Takehiro? Haji was making the sales pitch, not Takehiro. Why wasn't he looking at Haji?! These people, man. The mercenary glanced over at Haji, then back at the guy. Then he was on repeat for a few seconds.

Why the hell did he want eight.

"That'll be sixteen gold coins."

The guy muttered something about "one of these days," and "straight to the moon," but he pulled out the coins anyway, took the swords, and went on his merry way.

[Morei Haji]

As the man walked away, he suddenly grasped all eight swords in his hands, drawing them all at one. Miraculously holding four in each hand.

"EIGHT CLAWS!!!" he shouted, sprinting away in a flash of random anger as he disappeared into the horizon.

I stood there in silence with my partner, the breeze blowing but not a sound came from me, wondering how to react to that.

"What... what the hell..."

[Amakusa Takehiro]

Takehiro blinked, watching the man.

"Uh."

What the hell was with this village.

"We, uh... we should move to another village. Yeah. Let's do that."

Almost stoic, the mercenary quickly began packing the stuff back into the carriage. Seemed to him like the people here were only going to get more and more weird, and he REALLY didn't want to see what'd happen if someone bought the boom powder. That could be disastrous. So, he saddled back up on the carriage, once again taking the reigns, and setting off once his partner got on as well.

"We got twenty gold coins, but... was it worth it?"

What kind of monsters had they unleashed on the world?

[Morei Haji]

Climbing aboard the carriage again, I sighed in relief.

"I think just escaping with our lives was worth it..."

An eight-clawed maniac was now prowling the fields of Japan. I felt sorry for anyone who came across him, it was the greatest misfortune and even Izanami would be too cruel to make that happen.

I didn't have too much time to ponder our luck, however, as suddenly the air around us began to glow...eerie and dark.

"RETURN THE SLAAAAAB..."

"I, uh, um, what..." I looked around as that ghostly voice rang out. And soon enough, our carriage pulled to a halt. I looked forward, and there stood an extremely tall samurai wielding the largest sword I had ever seen. His helmet hid his face... in darkness. All I saw were two glowing blue eyes.

***FRUIT PUNCH SAMURAI G: 100 IN EVERY STAT.***

In a fit of strange anger, he raised his sword and began to walk towards us.

"T-T-T-TAKEHIRO TURN THE CARRIAGE AROUND!"

[Amakusa Takehiro]

Takehiro's eyes widened at the sight of the man, and he seemed to panic. There was no way to turn the carriage around! They were on a straight path! "HOW DO I TURN A CARRIAGE AROUND?!" He shouted, just before screaming as the carriage approached the man. Were they to meet their end here?!

"RETURN THE - UUGHHH!!!"

The man's hands rushed to his chest and he seemed to inhale sharply, just before letting out a cry of utter terror and pain. It was as if Atlas himself began to weep, a titan of pure strength overcome with woe. And then the guy fell over and died, and the carriage ran around it.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!"

[Morei Haji]

I stared blankly at the space in front of me. This godly entity from another realm was about to kill us, and then he just keeled over and died himself. I had no words. What words could describe this. Perhaps I had seen too much for this life time. What other hell-ish deviations awaited us? I sat in complete silence, just trying to ponder what could wait for us. But hey, at the least the fog subsided.

And I sat there for a while longer, just lost in thought.

"... What's a slab?"

[Amakusa Takehiro]

They were surrounded in fog by some big scary god-like creature and all Haji was wondering was WHAT THE FUCK WAS A SLAB? Takehiro shot him a glance that evidently read "are you kidding me," but then, he didn't know either! Maybe it was one of those pieces of stone with writing on them, or something?

"Okay. The worst has passed us. We... we can get through this. We can, right?"

Was this the price to pay for stealing from daimyo? Maybe this was why the merchant broke down in the first place! He couldn't handle all of the crazy shit that got thrown at him! If this was what it meant to be a daimyo, Takehiro didn't want it!