Recovery (Katsumi)

[Morei Haji]

"Katsumi!"

I woke with a start, sweat pouring down my face. I had attempted to sit up, but was met with a terrible pain in my stomach, to which I nearly screamed. Looking down, I would see my torso was bandaged, and I realized I was laying shirtless on a bed. I laid back, panting and wincing at how much it hurt to breath, but started to look around. It seemed that I was back in the town, maybe we had made it back after all... but I remembered passing out outside the town. Perhaps someone had found us and taken us back?

"So, you're awake?" I heard a voice as someone walked into the room, it was a woman. "We found you unconscious outside the town, you and your friend were in a terrible condition..."

Upon mention of a friend, I tried to jump up again, wincing as I did, but the woman stopped me. "Relax, she's okay." My eyes widened as the woman said 'she'. "We have her in another room. Poor girl must have been through hell."

I looked away. This lady didn't know the half of it. My fists clenched as I recalled my own weakness in failing to protect her. I had almost lost Katsumi forever... "...Thank you." I would say after a time. "I am truly grateful that you saved us." The woman would give me a small smile before bowing. She instructed me to rest up some more and not to push myself before leaving the room lest I reopen my wound, and with a sigh, I carefully leaned back slowly.

"Katsumi..."

She was safe. Right now, that was all that mattered. I did not know her condition, but that knowledge was relief in itself. When I saw her, I vowed to apologize. I should never leave her side again, I did not want to risk such a thing happening in the future. No... I needed to get stronger, a lot stronger.

My fists clenched tightly again as I stared up at the ceiling. I was weak. Why was I so weak? Why could I not protect the one person I loved? Every breath I made hurt, and that pain only fueled my anger at myself. My own misjudgment had nearly cost us both our lives. And yet... to protect her, I had extinguished the lives of three others.

I lay there, staring blankly now. A single tear rolled down my cheeks as the reality of what I had done began to sink in. To feel their life drain at the edge of my blade, to see them choking on their own blood, to watch the very embers of their existence fade at my hand. At the time, I had done it as if it were second nature, like killing someone was a skill I had possessed my entire life. I trained in the sword to protect, yet the reality that a sword was meant to kill sunk in further and further. And now my hands were stained with blood.

I bit down on my lip, trying to hold back the cries, but the tears began to pour out. My hands came up, covering my face as I sat there silently weeping. My body was shaking, and I began to breath more heavily as I attempted to stop myself, but I couldn't. I couldn't stop this guilt, this self-loathing, the fact that I had done the unthinkable, none of it. I had taken lives, something I always preached against doing. I did it for Katsumi's sake, and I had no regrets, but... I felt as if something sacred to me had shattered. Something in me had changed. All that crap I said to Masahiro, Yukimura, Takehiro, to everyone... I had gone against it in a single night. My ideals were worthless, and something only a fool believed in, and that was the truth that Masahiro had tried to tell me in the past. Even the sakabato was now a tool to take lives.

I was doing my best to calm down, but I knew I needed to see Katsumi as soon as possible...

[Shinomori Katsumi]

Katsumi woke up slowly from hearing footsteps, inhaling as she turned her head weakly. She forced her eyes open, vision going in and out, and the girl groaned, shifting. It felt like something was on top of her... blankets. And when Kat tried to move, there was sharp pain all along the entirety of her body. Everything hurt terribly. Katsumi winced and turned her head as much as she was able, and saw that she was someplace unfamiliar. Upon looking down, she also saw that she was bandaged. Her brows furrowed deeply and Katsumi muttered, "W... What happened?"

There was someone within the room and she turned around, and Kat looked over at her. While it was surprising to see her, Katsumi didn't really feel threatened. Simply confused. And the older woman could see that and sighed, shaking her head, hands soaking a cloth in water.

"You and that poor boy went through hell. If you hadn't have been found when you were, you two very well could be dead."

With those words, the events resurfaced and there was a flood of memories of what happened to her. Yet that didn't concern her as much as what happened to Haji. She had gone through hell again and again throughout her whole life. She could recover. It was more of physical wounds at this point that she needed to heal from right now, especially with her releasing all of her rage with killing the man who had abused her (and, in turn, her father once again.) But Haji... he had been forced to kill those men, and Katsumi knew it had to be ripping away at him. He was so good and kindhearted. Haji wasn't a killer. Not like her. Because of her, he had to go back on everything he stood for and believed in, and Katsumi felt immensely guilty.

"Oh, Haji-kun..." Tears welled within Kat's eyes and her bottom lip trembled. The girl whispered softly, "I'm so sorry..."

She tried to sit up, needing to see and talk to Haji, to comfort him and be there for him, but her body screamed. Katsumi only made it up a few inches. Everything hurt and she felt utterly exhausted and worn out, and Kat fell on her back, groaning.

"Don't get up, honey. It's going to take a while to heal from all of those wounds. You need to rest and bring down that fever before even thinking about just sitting up."

Katsumi was a bit concerned that the woman knew her gender, yet... what was she to do? It wasn't as though the woman knew of her false identity or anything, and she was taking care of her. That much was clear, especially when the older woman walked over to Kat and put a cool cloth on her forehead. At this point, Kat was just grateful she was alive.

Biting down on her lower lip, Katsumi asked concernedly as her face was wiped off, "The man... the one who was with me... is he... is he alri-"

"He's fine. He suffered a stab wound to the stomach, but he'll be okay. You're the one I'm more worried about, so you just rest up now."

Katsumi sighed in relief and nodded her head. "T... Thank you."

The woman nodded and smiled in response, standing back up and walking away. Despite all of that, Katsumi couldn't help but worry about her Haji, and she requested before the older woman could leave, likely to bring back more supplies or something along those lines, "Ma'am, if... if it isn't t-too much trouble... would.... would you mind... telling Haji-kun that I'm awake? That I'm okay? And... that.... that I'm sorry?"

She turned around and looked at Kat, before closing eyes and sighing. The older woman knew what it was to love someone, and could sense that in both Katsumi and Haji, sense the genuine concern. Plus, Katsumi did ask quite nicely. "Of course, dear."

"Thank you," she said again, and the older woman left. Kat stared up at the ceiling, thinking of Haji and hoping he'd get the message soon. If only she could be right there with him...

[Morei Haji]

Arm covering my face, I laid there, motionless. My tears had dried up, and now I was just left with an empty but heavy feeling. It was like someone was standing on my chest, and I couldn't push them off. I felt so weak. Breathing didn't seem so natural anymore. With every breath brought a sharp pain in my abdomen from the stab wound.

I heard someone come in, but didn't move to acknowledge them. I didn't know what they wanted, nor did I really want to talk to them. I felt another check up on me was pointless. I would only tell them I was okay again in that same quiet voice. I guess it was obvious that I wasn't. They never believed me.

I didn't know how long it had been, but a voice was calling out to me, increasing in volume until I finally snapped from my thoughts. The words that did it? "Your friend is awake." I turned to face them finally, slowly. My eyes fixated on the woman who helped us previously.

"Katsumi is... awake...?"

My voice came out a little rough and quiet, having not spoken in some time. The woman nodded. "She's doing alright. It'll take some time, but she should make a full recovery... she also says that she's sorry." The woman said, leaving after realizing I wasn't going to say anything more.

Katsumi was... sorry...? For what? It was me that messed up. It was me who let her get into this situation, because I wasn't there to protect her... It was me... so why was she apologizing...?

"Katsumi..."

I tried to sit up, my wounds screaming at me to stop, but I wouldn't listen. With a grunt, I would attempt to get off of the bed, but my lack of strength would send me tumbling to the floor instead, landing on my side. It took all I had right now to not scream, but I had to keep quiet. They wouldn't let me see her yet... so I had to go on my own...

Crawling up to my feet, I would slowly walk towards the door, a little dizzy. This seemed to take a lot out of me, despite being so simple. But from here, I would camp by the door, making sure no one was around before making my way out and towards Katsumi's room. I would fall in front of her room again, gritting my teeth in pain. I managed to push her door open, crawling inside quick enough to not get noticed before shutting it behind me.

I would lean up against the wall, panting from the strain on my body, looking up towards Katsumi. I'd slowly make my way over to her, crawling weakly. Every movement felt like death, but after what seemed like an eternity, I would find my place beside her, collapsing next to her and laying my head by her waist. My hand would weakly reach for her own, just wanting desperately to hold it.

"Katsumi... I... I'm sorry..."

I could repeat those words a million times and not feel like they were enough. But I needed to be by her side, no matter what.

[Shinomori Katsumi]

Despite having been asleep so long and simply laying there in bed, Katsumi felt weary. Her bones ached, her hands ached, her everything ached. Even her spirit and heart.

Katsumi felt so guilty about her father's past catching up to her, and for not only endangering herself but Haji. She hadn't recalled or even realized the significance of the town until it was far too late, and was too blind and weak to stop the men. Katsumi had gotten herself captured and tortured, and she quite frankly could have lived with that. What little pride she had would have been damaged, but what tore her up inside was that her Haji had been thrown in the middle of it all when he had nothing to do with it. Of course, she was still angry at her father and blamed him, but much of those emotions were dealt with that night, and why her hands were in such bad shape.

After the old woman left, Katsumi closed her eyes and sighed, and that sigh was painful. She winced and found herself internally sighing in response. Broken ribs sucked and, with all of the injuries, she knew it would take a while to heal. There was a fear and dread in that, but she had to remind herself that Father wasn't around anymore. Katsumi was allowed to lay down and heal. Right?

It was difficult convincing herself that.

Eyelids fluttered closed and Katsumi decided to try and sleep again. If she tried to stay up, it was inevitable that the woman would attempt to keep herself busy. Her breathing was shallow and she focused on nothing in particular, purposefully keeping her mind blank. If she allowed herself to think, Kat wouldn't be able to rest, and... well... that's what she needed most right now.

The focus on nothingness made it so that she didn't hear Haji enter. It was not until she heard her name and realized it was, in fact, Haji's voice, her eyes snapped open and Katsumi looked over at the source. It was Haji! Crawling over to her!

"H-Haji-kun?!" exclaimed the woman. The cry hurt her to do and, again, Katsumi winced. He continued to move towards her, and the little bit of colour in her cheeks drained and she paled. He had no business being here! He needed to heal! Her brows furrowed deeply and Kat clenched her teeth. "D-Damn it, H-Haji-kun! You... Y-You need to heal. Rest! W... What are you d-doing?! I'll be f-fine! I... I t-told her to t-tell you that!"

Tears welled in her eyes and slipped down her patched up and bruised cheeks. Of course she wanted to see Haji, and the selfish part of her was happy to see him. But she was practical and seeing him in this state, desperate to reach her, caused her to worry. That concern overrode everything else. She wanted him to be okay. She needed him to be.

He reached her, crying and telling her repeatedly that he was sorry. Sorry for what? Haji didn't do anything wrong. It was Katsumi. Father. Those men. Not Haji.

"Haji..." breathed the girl, bottom lip trembling. A heavily bandaged hand moved weakly over to Haji's and rested on top of his. She felt incredibly guilty and was overwhelmed with emotions, and with her background she didn't really know what to do. And for that she felt even worse. Despite how weak she was, Katsumi moved her other bandaged hand to his head, sliding onto his cheek. "S... Stop it. You... don't... don't have any r-reason to be sorry. It's not... your f-fault. None of it is. It... It was my past. F... Father's... Not yours. It wasn't you. You... You were thrown in the m-middle. So... So please... d... don't..."

[Morei Haji]

"I... don't care what she told me... I needed... to see you..."

I breathed out, exhausted from just traveling to Katsumi's room. I closed my eyes as she spoke, as her hands reached out to me. Having her near me like this reminded me of how much I truly needed her, and how close I was to losing her forever.

"Katsumi... if I was there... I could've protected you..." My voice came out weakly as I opened my eyes, not looking at anything in particular. My look was vacant, and I was trying to stop myself from crying too much for fear of not being able to get the words out. "I promised that I would keep you safe... I promised that... that I would be strong and protect you... and I failed to uphold that promise..."

I was trembling. I felt unworthy of her. She was absolutely everything to me, and now she was laying in bed having barely escaped death. I don't care that I could've died too, every fiber of my being wanted to protect her, even at the cost of my own life.

"Katsumi... I just... I couldn't bear to lose you... you don't know what that would do to me... I found my purpose... with you, and... I..." I was struggling to find the words I wanted to say. I don't know what she thought of me now after I failed to protect her. I wasn't worthy to be in her presence like this, but I didn't want to stay away either...

"You're not allowed to leave me like that... no matter what... I... I love you..."

With those last words, I would look up at her, tears in my eyes.

"I love you, and... and I'll become stronger for you..."

[Shinomori Katsumi]

Her breath hitched in the middle of her throat. God, did she want to see him. Part of her was so happy to have him by her side right then. But he was injured! He shouldn't be moving! Katsumi was fretting over him, and she bit down on her bottom lip.

"Oh, Haji-kun..."

She listened to him, and tears welled in her eyes. Kat hated seeing that look within his eyes. His happiness was what was able to slip joy into her life. His smile made her want to learn how to smile, and made her feel warm inside. That vacant look and despair in his voice.... it ripped her up inside.

Her brows furrowed and Katsumi weakly shook her head, whispering, "Haji-kun, it... it wasn't your fault. There was no way... no way for you to know, and... and it was from so far back in my past... I was... I was careless and forgot. But... But it... it wasn't you, or me. It was.... It was them... Father. And... oh Haji-kun, if... if it weren't for you, I'd be dead. You did protect me. If... If you hadn't of showed up, I wouldn't be alive, we... we wouldn't be here together. You did not fail. Please... Please don't say that. You... You saved me yet again. It is I who is ashamed. I... I am so sorry, Haji-kun."

He was saying that she wouldn't understand if he lost her, and a sharp pang made her heart throb painfully. The tears threatened to fall. "Don't... Don't ever say that. Before you, I had... I had nothing. I was empty. Just... a killing doll... set on survival. I was... beyond repair, and.... and yet... you... you have been mending all of... all of those years of damage and pain."

Her voice cracked at the end and tears escaped her, slipping down her cheeks. Kat's words were struggled. Normally she didn't say much, but so much was in her heart and she had to let it all out. "All... All I've ever wanted... was to be loved... You... You finally gave me what I so desperately needed, and... and I cannot bear the thought of continuing on without you. After finally.... finally having it, I cannot possibly bear to live without you, so... so you cannot die. I need... I need you to heal and not... not die for me. I just... I can't... I can't go back to being all alone in the world. I can't. I can't do it. If... If you die, I die. I... I won't go on without you."

The young woman's bandaged hand rubbed Haji's cheek and, with a hiccup, she cried softly to him, "I... I want to become stronger too, Haji-kun. So that... we can continue... to live together."